There's a photo from my cousin Sana's wedding that I've asked her to delete twice. It's from the cake cutting. She looks perfect. Next to her is me, with what was, at nine that morning, a very nice set of soft curls, and by then had become a sort of damp curtain stuck to my neck. It was June. It was 93 degrees. I had paid a woman named Rita sixty dollars for those curls and they lasted about as long as the ceremony.
So yeah, I have opinions about bridesmaid hair now. Mostly one opinion, which is that the question isn't "what looks pretty" but "what still looks pretty at 10pm after you've hugged everybody's aunt." I've been in four weddings. Below is what I'd tell a friend who just got asked to be in one, sorted more or less from safest to riskiest, with the risky ones flagged so you can make your own call.
Boring questions you have to answer first
Sorry, but you do.
What does the bride want? Ask her straight. Some brides have a rule and won't mention it till you turn up with the wrong hair. "Do what you like" has, in my experience, meant "do what you like as long as it's up and there's nothing sparkly in it." One text. Save yourself.
What's the neckline? This decides more than your face shape does, I don't care what the magazines say. Strapless or off the shoulder wants hair up or swept to one side, or you lose the whole point of the dress. Halter or high neck, it has to go up, there's no version where that works with hair down. Thin straps, a V, a scoop, you can do what you want.
Type your Where is it? Beach in August, forget the blowout. Hotel ballroom in November, do anything, nobody's hair is in danger. here
Okay. Styles.
Up
Low chignon
If I had to pick one for every wedding for the rest of my life it'd be this. Low bun at the nape. Works on straight hair, curly hair, hair that can't decide. Sits fine under a veil or a flower crown if the bride springs one on you. And if it goes wrong you can redo it in a bathroom with six pins and no skill. Ask for it slightly loose, though. Too tight and it turns into interview hair.
Messy bun
The chignon's cousin who doesn't own an iron. Bits out round the face, the bun a little collapsed on purpose. Gorgeous at barn weddings, garden weddings, anywhere with string lights. My problem with it is the "on purpose" part.
A stylist makes it look like you woke up like that. You, at 7am, with a YouTube video, make it look like you woke up like that in a bad way. The gap between the two is about three years of training. Pay for it or practice for a month.
Braided crown
Two braids, wrapped over the head, pinned. Takes forever to do. I've stood in wind that took my clutch out of my hand and the braided crown next to me didn't move. Needs hair past the shoulders or the braids won't meet at the back.
Sleek high bun
Very tight, very shiny, gel at the hairline. This is a hotel ballroom style, a black tie style. At a backyard wedding it reads like you didn't get the memo. Also, and nobody tells you this, it gives most people a headache by the speeches. Tell your stylist to ease up. They always pull like they've got something to prove.
Half up
Where every bridal party ends up when six women can't agree on anything. Face clear for the ceremony, length still showing in the photos, which is the thing long-haired people care about and won't admit.
Half-up twist
Top section twisted back, pinned, rest left wavy. There's nothing to it, and that's why I like it. Pin slips at the reception, you fix it yourself, no mirror needed.
Half up with a Dutch braid
Braid along the top of the head, ending in a pin. The braid catches the short bits at the front that always, always fall out by lunch. I have those bits. I'm biased toward this one and I'm fine with that.
Half up with the bride's clip
If she's handed everyone the same pearl pin or comb, this is where it goes, right on the pinned section. Nearly every matching bridal party photo I've liked was some version of this.
Down
I want to like down styles more than I do. They're the prettiest thing in the photos at noon. They're also the first thing to go. Sweat, hugs, a strapless dress you keep hitching up with the same hand you'd use to fix your hair. If you go down, take hairspray and assume a touch up before the reception.
Hollywood waves
Big, glossy, brushed out, swept over one shoulder. Evening only. Needs a real stylist with a curling iron and about forty minutes. Fine hair falls out of it fast, ask for mousse at the roots.
Loose waves
Softer, less done. Lovely for a destination wedding in dry heat. In humidity, see the photo of me at Sana's wedding that no longer exists.
Straight, middle part
Flat iron, center part, tucked behind the ears or not. With a slip dress it looks like money. It also shows every flyaway you've ever grown, so pack a comb and a bit of smoothing cream.
Short hair
Nobody writes about short hair for bridesmaids and it annoys me, because a sharp bob at a wedding beats half the updos in the room and I'll die on that hill.
Bob, side twist
Section from one side, twist it back, pin behind the ear. Ten minutes. Suddenly the bob looks finished rather than just short.
